The Power of a Strength Based Approach

When neurodivergent (ND) kids enter the education system, their experience is often defined not by their abilities, but by their deficits. The focus is on what they can’t do, what skills they’re “behind” in, what behaviours need to be “fixed,” what interventions they require to function “normally.”

It’s a model built on the assumption that these kids need to be remediated to fit the education system, rather than the system adapting to support them. And unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work.

Why the Deficit Model Fails ND Kids

💔 Constant correction, constant failure. Imagine spending most of your day being told what’s wrong with you. That you’re too fidgety, too distracted, too slow with your writing, too rigid in your thinking. The message ND kids receive is that they are fundamentally not enough—not trying hard enough, not behaving well enough, not learning fast enough.

💔 Struggles define them, not their potential. If a child is assessed solely on their difficulties, those difficulties become their entire identity. They become the “disruptive” one, the “lazy” one, the “problem” in the classroom. Their strengths? Overlooked. Their interests? Considered unimportant unless they align with the curriculum.

💔 It drains motivation and self-worth. No child thrives when they believe they’re failing all the time. When the focus is on everything they lack, school becomes a place of anxiety, avoidance, and shame. It’s no wonder so many ND kids experience school can’t (aka school refusal), burnout, and mental health struggles.

What is framed as a weakness is often just a different way of thinking. A different way of learning. A different way of existing.

So what if we stopped trying to “fix” these kids and started recognising their strengths instead?

Reframe: Strengths Over Struggles

A strength based approach doesn’t ignore challenges. It simply flips the lens. Instead of focusing on where a child is struggling, we focus on where they excel, and use that as the foundation for learning and growth.

Differences are a profile, not a problem. Neurodivergence isn’t a list of deficits, it’s a unique learning profile. ADHD brains thrive on novelty and challenge. Autistic kids can have incredible pattern recognition and deep interests. Instead of forcing kids to fit the system, we can shape learning around how they naturally think.

Strengths fuel confidence, motivation, and success. When a child experiences success, no matter how small, they build confidence. Confidence leads to motivation. Motivation leads to learning. It’s a cycle that works—unlike the cycle of failure and shame that traditional models create.

“Weaknesses” are often the flip side of strengths. Is a child “stubborn,” or are they deeply persistent? Do they “hyperfocus,” or are they incredibly detail-oriented? Are they “distractible,” or are they highly creative thinkers? Reframing challenges as strengths helps kids own who they are instead of feeling broken.

When Chalk & Cheese Were Defined by Deficits

We’ve seen this first hand.

Take Chalk (ADHD curious hurricane)—before homeschooling, he was constantly in trouble for not sitting still. His teachers saw him as disruptive, a kid who “couldn’t focus” and “needed to try harder.” But what they didn’t see was that he was hyper-focused—just not on what they wanted. He could sit for hours designing elaborate obstacle courses for his toy cars, but worksheets? Nope.

Instead of forcing him to “sit still and focus,” we leaned into how he learns. Now, maths looks like estimating angles while setting up a marble run. Writing practice is dictating stories while jumping on a trampoline. And suddenly? He wants to learn.

And then there’s Cheese (Autistic/PDA King of Nope)—who spent years being labelled “rigid” and “uncooperative.” He struggled with group work, refused tasks that didn’t make sense to him, and would shut down entirely if he felt pressured. The school saw him as defiant. But in reality? He was just protecting himself from an environment that didn’t understand him.

Now, at home, we don’t demand compliance. If he needs to approach a topic from a different angle, we adapt. If he needs time to process before engaging, we wait. Instead of forcing him to work on our schedule, we let him lead. The result? He’s more open, more engaged, and learning more than he ever did in school.

Would You Want to Be Treated This Way?

Think back to a time when you struggled with something. Maybe it was learning a new skill, feeling overwhelmed at work, or dealing with a situation where no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t seem to get it “right.”

Now imagine that, instead of encouragement, you were met with constant correction. That people focused only on what you were doing wrong. That you were told, over and over again, that if you just “tried harder” or “paid more attention,” things would be fine.

How would you feel?

Now, think about the last time you felt truly supported. A time when someone recognised what you brought to the table. Your skills, your strengths, the way your mind works.

That’s the difference between a deficit model and a strength-based approach.

This is Why We Homeschool

For us, homeschooling wasn’t the plan, it was the only option left when the system failed to see our kids for who they truly are.

Traditional education wanted to fit them into a box that just didn’t work. We spent years sitting in meetings where the focus was on what our kids couldn’t do, what supports they “weren’t eligible for,” and how we could get them to “cope” better. But what if they didn’t have to cope? What if they could just be?

At home, we don’t have to force them through a system that isn’t built for them.

We get to build learning around their strengths instead of their struggles.

We get to focus on what excites them, not what stresses them.

We get to honour their differences instead of trying to “fix” them.

And the result? They thrive.

Not because we’ve unlocked some magical formula, but because when kids feel safe, valued, and understood, they learn. Not on a timetable. Not through force. But in their own time, in their own way, with the joy and curiosity that every child deserves.

What About You?

Have you ever caught yourself expecting more from a child than you would tolerate yourself?

How did your child respond the last time you focused on their strengths instead of their struggles?

What small change could you make today to reframe the way you support them?