Screen Time: The Good, The Bad, and The Absolutely Unhinged

If there’s one parenting topic that guarantees strong opinions, it’s screen time. Everyone has a take, some see it as the root of all modern childhood issues, while others fully embrace it as a necessary part of 21st-century life. There’s guilt, judgment, and about a million different expert recommendations that all contradict each other. And if you’re raising neurodivergent kids? Well, good luck finding a one-size-fits-all answer, because screens affect every child so differently.

Pre-COVID, we had screen time sorted. One hour of gaming on weekends, family movie nights here and there, and that was it. We were practically screen-time poster parents.

Then COVID happened.

Cheese (8) was in school, Chalk (5) was in preschool, and online learning was suddenly a thing. Cheese absolutely loathed the work he was given. Reading Eggs? Mathletics? Meh. He blatantly refused. Meanwhile, Chalk launched a full-scale preschool revolution because it wasn’t fair that Cheese got screen time while he didn’t. And honestly? I caved. I was drowning. Chalk got Reading Eggs. It was survival.

And then… it all spiralled.

The COVID Free-For-All

Screens became our way of coping. We had school refusal (or as we now know, "school can't") creeping in, a disastrous trial of medications ("It might get worse before it gets better", FYI it just got worse), and we were deep in the trenches of violent outbursts, meltdowns, and constant tension. Screen time went from managed to unlimited. It was about survival. Sometimes it was just a way to keep the kids apart when things got volatile.

By the time we realised how out of control it had gotten, Chalk was glued to screens, completely dysregulated, and unable to entertain himself without one.

So, we went cold turkey.

Have you seen Trainspotting?

You know the bathroom scene?

That. But with a 5-year-old Ewan McGregor.

The first 48 hours were pure hell. But then? He was back!

My pre-COVID, imaginative, energetic, curious kid returned. And the biggest shock?

Chalk thanked me.

"Mum, I didn’t even know what was happening, but I feel so much better now. Thank you for taking away screens."

Cue equal parts joy, relief and guilt.

Ever since, he’s been able to talk about screens with a self-awareness most adults lack.

Now? No interactive screens. No gaming, no iPads, no endless YouTube. TV? Fine, but he usually turns it off himself and wanders off to play.

The Screen Time Divide: ADHD vs. Autism

Here’s where it gets interesting. Chalk and Cheese have completely different relationships with screens. Of course they do!

Chalk (ADHD): Screens as Chaos Triggers

Screens make him impulsive, irritable, and completely unable to self-regulate. He spirals fast. Even a taste of interactive screens, and it’s like setting off a bomb. No screens = a calmer, happier kid.

His is so severely impacted that if he goes for a playdate, I have to discuss our "no screens" rule with the parents beforehand (it’s for their own good!). If he ends up on a screen, even briefly, we’re dealing with instant dysregulation, mood swings, and a complete inability to transition back to normal activities. It’s non-negotiable. Does he still want screens? Sometimes, yes. It’s mostly FOMO—wanting to be part of what his friends are into.

We talk about it like an allergic reaction. He loves peanut butter, but he also knows some kids can end up in hospital if they are even near it. Honestly, that wasn’t far off how screens were for him. That’s how he gets it. Some kids can handle it, but for him, it’s just not a healthy choice.

Cheese (Autistic): Screens as a Self-Regulation Tool

And because they are complete opposites Cheese, on the other hand, uses screens in an entirely different way. He can take them or leave them. He’ll ask for 5 minutes of a show to reset. He never fights about turning them off. For him, screens are a tool, not a compulsion.

So, in our house:

• Chalk (ADHD brain): No interactive screens. TV only.

• Cheese (Autistic brain): Screens as needed for regulation. Gaming is fine in moderation, and YouTube is a go-to reset tool.

  
  

And the best part?

They both understand.

No “that’s not fair!” fights because they get that their brains work differently.

Not All Screens Are Created Equal

One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned?

It’s not just about how much screen time, it’s about what kind of screen time.

Regular TV vs. Interactive Screens

• Regular TV (Netflix, Disney+, etc) → Passive, self-limiting, doesn’t create the same dopamine addiction loop.

• Interactive Screens (iPads, gaming, YouTube) → Instant chaos for Chalk, a useful tool for Cheese.

Gaming vs. Gaming on YouTube

• Gaming itself → Some kids (like Cheese) can handle it fine. Others (like Chalk) spiral into overstimulation.

• Watching other people game on YouTube → Somehow worse than playing. No natural stopping points. Just an endless loop of overstimulating chaos.

Slow-Paced vs. Fast & Frantic Shows

This one is interesting.

• Long-shot shows (Sesame Street, Play School, Bluey) → Slower pacing, natural pauses, and predictable structure. They’re easier to disengage from.

• Fast & frantic (PowerPuff Girls, Pokémon) → Rapid cuts, high-energy voices, constant stimulation. These shows are like pouring petrol on an ADHD brain. Chaos follows.

How We Use Screen Time Now? (AKA: A Much-Needed Break for Me)

Now that we’re homeschooling, screen time actually plays a role in learning, and gives me the occasional moment to breathe.

We Set Screen Time Blocks to Manage Expectations

We have set times for screen use each day, so no one is constantly asking, "Can I have the iPad?" and then melting down when the answer is no. These times are balanced between education and relaxation, ensuring screens stay useful without becoming overwhelming.

Having predictable screen time means the kids know when to expect it, which stops the endless negotiations and helps keep screen use under control.

For Cheese, however, there’s some flexibility outside of these set times. If he needs a quick reset—say, 10 minutes of a familiar show to regulate, he can ask for it. Because screens help him regulate rather than dysregulate, we allow him to use them strategically as a tool when needed. But even then, he rarely lingers, he gets what he needs and moves on.

Research, Research, and More Research

Cheese has deep-dive special interests.

This week? Medieval siege warfare.

Last week? The biomechanics of a T. rex’s bite force. And where do we get our best research?

YouTube documentaries. We use screens as a way to explore his interests, and then we talk about what he’s learned.

Rainy Afternoon Movies = Bliss

Some days, the energy is low, the weather is terrible, and we all need a break. Enter: The Rainy Afternoon Movie. It’s guilt-free downtime, and (bonus!) we turn it into a learning experience through discussion.

English and Arts Through Movies

• Storytelling? We break down movie plots.

• Animation? We talk about art styles and techniques.

• Character development? We discuss motivations and themes. It turns passive screen time into engaged screen time.

The Big Lesson?

Screen Time Is a Tool,

Not the Enemy

Once upon a time, we thought screen time was just about limits. Now we know it’s about content, engagement, and self-regulation.

For Chalk, interactive screens are a disaster.

For Cheese, they’re a useful tool.

For our version of homeschool, screen time is a resource, a break, and sometimes, the only thing standing between me and total burnout.

For us it’s not about “good” or “bad” screen time.

It’s about using it in a way that actually works for your family.

And if you do decide to go cold turkey?

Maybe brace yourself for a Trainspotting style detox first.

You’ve been warned.

Thanks for reading.

I’m not here with all the answers, just sharing the messy middle as we figure it out.

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