Finding Your Tribe
- Really Tired
- Mar 10
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 14
Homeschooling wasn’t part of the plan. It was the emergency exit when everything else failed. One day, we were navigating school drop-offs and small talk with other parents. The next, we were out—and suddenly, the world went quiet. It wasn’t just that we weren’t being invited to things anymore (let’s be honest our kids weren’t high on the birthday guest lists anyway!), but that even when we were, we were too exhausted to go.
Most social events weren’t accessible in the first place—Cheese would bolt the moment we arrived, making every gathering a stressful game of chase. If we weren’t sprinting after him, we were hypervigilant, bracing for disaster. By the time we left, we were more drained than when we arrived.
At First, I Thought We Could Keep Our Old Friendships
That we’d still be part of the community. But the truth was, we were too burned out to even try. Socialising became a luxury we couldn’t afford—rest and survival had to come first. Even when invites did come, the idea of managing our kids in those settings felt impossible. The thought of making small talk while juggling overstimulation, meltdowns, and sheer exhaustion? Laughable. So we withdrew.
Finding Where You Belong
It’s not like we were ever truly part of the school crowd. We were always on the edges—explaining our child’s behaviour, apologising for things that weren’t our fault, working twice as hard to fit into a world that didn’t make space for us.
I even tried to build a support group for parents of kids who, like mine, didn’t fit neatly into the school system’s expectations. The school humoured us for a while, but they weren’t invested. However, in the middle of all that bureaucratic nothingness, I met a small group of powerhouse women—fierce advocates for their kids who just got it. We laughed, we raged, we cried. We supported each other through impossible situations. For the first time, I had a tribe.
And then we had to homeschool. These amazing women remain an important part of my life, but because their kids stayed in school, our experiences started to diverge. While they could still rely on the structure and community of the school system, I found myself navigating a whole new world with no clear path forward. It wasn’t that they weren’t there for me, it was just that our daily realities no longer aligned in the same way.
Alone Again
I assumed the local homeschool group would be our next community. But it wasn’t that simple. The group was big, chaotic, overwhelming—there were activities, and it felt like school, the exact kind of environment Cheese couldn’t cope with. So we stayed home. Cheese resisted leaving the house, and I struggled to connect with people who truly understood what that felt like.
So, like many exhausted, desperate parents, I turned to the internet. I found digital spaces full of neurodivergent homeschoolers—parents trying to piece together an education for their kids while barely keeping their heads above water. It was a relief to find others walking a similar path. But even with that connection, something was missing.
The truth is, finding your people isn’t easy. It’s slow, frustrating, and sometimes downright heartbreaking when you keep meeting others you don’t quite fit with. There are false starts, moments of hope that don’t pan out, and long stretches of loneliness. But if you keep searching, keep putting yourself out there, eventually, the right people will come into your life. And when they do? Everything shifts.
Finding Your People
Exploring Community Resources
We found that local community centres, charities, and disability services often run programs or casual meet-ups that can be worth checking out. Libraries sometimes host book clubs, LEGO groups, or relaxed story sessions that might be a good fit. Recreational classes—like nature playgroups, art workshops, or casual sports—have also been an opportunity to meet like-minded families.
Leaning Into Interests to Find Connection
Instead of searching for the perfect social group, we started looking for places where our kids could engage in what they love. For us, that meant seeking out hobby groups, casual meet-ups, or just striking up conversations with other parents hanging around after an activity.
It wasn’t always easy, and sometimes it took multiple attempts, but when kids connect over something they love—whether it’s LEGO, reptiles, or Pokémon—friendships start to form naturally. And often, that opens the door for parents to connect, too.
Spot the Parent Who Might Be Looking for You
Ever noticed a parent out and about during school hours with their perfectly healthy-looking kid? Maybe in a café, at the park, or just wandering the shops? Smile, acknowledge them, say hi. Chances are, they’re navigating something similar. Maybe they’re homeschooling. Maybe they’re on the edge of pulling their kid out. Maybe they just need to know they’re not the only one. That simple moment of recognition could be the start of something.
After-School Activities—A Surprisingly Great Place to Meet People
Even if school doesn’t work for our kids, that doesn’t mean after-school activities are off the table. Many sports, arts, and recreational programs are community-based rather than school-affiliated, which means they’re open to homeschoolers too.
Sports teams (local clubs, not school teams)
Music lessons or drama groups
Scouts, Guides, and other youth programs
Art classes, robotics clubs, or nature groups
And sometimes, connection happens in completely random places. Like the time Chalk bumped into another kid at the local pool. They started chatting, realised they both loved Pokémon, and before I knew it, we were planning a playdate. That kid came to Chalk’s birthday party the next weekend—and they’re still friends today.
Therapy and Support Groups
If therapy is part of your routine, some providers run social groups specifically designed for neurodivergent kids. These groups can provide structured yet flexible opportunities for kids to connect in a way that meets their needs.
Even just chatting with another parent in a therapy waiting room can open a door to something new. That exhausted-looking parent sitting across from you? They might be navigating the same challenges, wondering if anyone else gets it. Sometimes, the best connections come from those casual, unplanned conversations.
Parent support groups can also be invaluable. These spaces allow you to share experiences, vent frustrations, and get practical advice from others who truly understand what you’re going through. Whether online or in-person, finding parents who share your journey can make all the difference.
What a Good Tribe Feels Like
A good tribe doesn’t mean you agree on everything. It means you can:
✅ Show up to an event without worrying if your kid will ‘participate properly.’
✅ Admit that homeschooling is a disaster some days, and no one will judge you.
✅ Swap ideas, strategies, and war stories about dealing with all the things.
✅ Celebrate each other’s wins, no matter how small.
✅ Let your kid rock up wearing shoes that don’t match and a favourite threadbare shirt.
✅ Cancel at the last minute because suddenly someone's socks are too itchy, or you just don’t have the energy after one of those mornings.
Still Can’t Find Your Tribe? Maybe You Need to Create One
Your people are out there. If you’re struggling to find them, start small. A regular park meet-up, a casual coffee catch-up, or just an open invite for our kids to exist together without expectations. It’s scary, but the right people will find you.
And when they do? Everything—homeschooling, parenting, life—feels just that little bit lighter.
Have you found your people? Got any hot tips for others looking for their tribe?
Thanks for reading.
I’m not here with all the answers, just sharing the messy middle as we figure it out.
If this topic resonated, here are a few more stories, reflections, and hard earned lessons you might like:
Comentarios